Today is Mitch Hedberg Day

2007-03-30 00:08:06 UTC

Here are three of my favorite Mitch Hedberg quotes.

  • Hey, if you find yourself lost in the woods, fuck it—build a house. “Well, I was lost, but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament.”

  • Imagine being killed by a bow-and-arrow. That would suck; a arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. “Look at that dead guy!—Let’s go that way.”

  • [A commercial] says “You can have this product for four easy payments for $19.95”. I would like to have a product that was available for three easy payments, and one fuckin’ complicated payment. “We can’t tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is gonna be a bitch!

    “The envelope will not seal,
    the mailman will get shot to death,
    and the stamp will be in the wrong denomination.

    “Good luck, fucker!”

    The last payment must be made in wampum!

One Response to “Today is Mitch Hedberg Day”

  1. Mitch Fan Says:

    Mitch Hedberg is so funny to me. His jokes are so timeless. He really didn’t get into politics, or pop culture or anything. Man, I can listen to him do standup all day. How about you?

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